It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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