Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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