i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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