I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
