He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
