those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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