Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
