Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
