I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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