I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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