Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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