thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
