i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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