Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
