Dual....:-)
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
