WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
