Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
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