Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
