were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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