walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I forget how to act sober
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
