Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
