i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
