I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
