Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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