I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
