I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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