is your mom at the bar?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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