so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
