Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
