Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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