I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
