i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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