I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
