You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
