You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize