I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
