either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
