i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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