Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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