You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
