On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
