Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
