Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize