I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
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