All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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