If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
