Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
