i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So much Jack, so little girl.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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