ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
