Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize