I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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