He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
