You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
