Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize