the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
