well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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