Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I skipped work to stalk him.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
