Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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