I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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