On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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