I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
