If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
