You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
