At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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