He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
