Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
