thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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