GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
