she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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