let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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