I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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