We won't sleep together?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
