Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
