...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
