I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize