What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
