it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
