Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
