it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She even gives head with a lisp.
did i walk over a car last night?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
