Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
