he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
