omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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