I think I am morally bankrupt
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
