I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
