Having a random hookup so left but love u
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
