Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
