How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
