Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
