I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
