he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize