I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
