Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
